Breaking Glass
by RelapseAndEscape
Summary: When ND find out that Finn's bulimic, they pin it on Rachael. Kurt, Carole & Burt however find Finn's diary & realise he's been struggling with his body ever since Rocky Horror & Rachael's the one that dismissed his issues. Slight Finchel. Depends on how you see it. Oneshot.


_Some events are altered so that it fits the plot. :) just a bit. Like the Yes/No number. Spoilers are up to 3x14. this is the first time i ever LIKE a Finchel i write. go me!_

* * *

He looks stressed sometimes, or just like he hasn't had enough sleep.

Finn swigs the bottle of water just a bit more as Kurt pushes him a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, Finn looks challengingly at the Parmesan cheese and bell peppers, as if they're offending him as he takes another swig of water, and then takes his first few bites. They're rushed bites, shoved down his throat in an _I-just-want-to-eat-and-leave_ sort of way, and the plate's gone in less than fifteen minutes and Finn thinks that Kurt just thinks he's inhaling his food.

When Kurt visits him upstairs, he steps out of the bathroom, with bloodshot eyes, saying he really needs to sleep and Kurt understands since it's three am and Kurt's holding a mug of warm milk in his hands. He watches Finn collapse in his bed, almost as if he's just been waiting all this time to dream.

When Kurt see him the next day, his eyes are still bloodshot. Carole worries about her son, because she swears he's slouching just a little bit more.

Kurt remembers one of those nights that Burt tries to get him and Finn to walk the game and Finn eats his share of pizza, waits for a few minutes and goes to say that he'll be back and that he needs to charge his phone and he comes down nearly thirty-eight minutes later, rubbing his eyes, and then sitting back down, looking aloof, dizzy and tired. He regains his energy after drinking a few cups of Diet Pepsi to Kurt's insistence. Kurt doesn't know that Finn wouldn't drink the normal sugary drink without making sure it ends up a product to the porcelain toilet bowl.

Puck remembers that sometimes, he stops eating midway, disappear and look sluggish and tired as he eats again and disappears again on him. Finn's not subtle at all that something's bothering him and when Puck finds him writing in a book, he thinks that Finn's just trying to catch up on some homework since he's failing a good amount of his courses. Rachael doesn't like how Finn doesn't like her touching him anymore, and when they're kissing, the minute she holds onto his shoulder is the minute he shoves her away, staring at her weakly with eyes wide, screaming out a _NO_ to her. Mercedes remembers that Finn owns a large collection of belts he hasn't had before. Tina finds him in the bathroom claiming he's lost his contact lenses and then just leaves without continuing the search for them. When they're in New York, Mr Schue notices that Finn says he needs to pee, a lot, and gets him for UTI examination. Finn says it comes back positive and Will makes sure to let him go whenever he needs to.

Carole notices her son's failing every single subject, even Physical Education and it scares her to no end but she can't get him to concentrate. Mike tries to help him with his grades but he takes frequent breaks where he goes in and out of the kitchen and then whilst he's eating, says he needs to pee. Burt sometimes walks in and out of the shop and notices Finn running out of the room and returning looking drained and exhausted. Blaine notices that Finn says he scrapes his knuckles a lot when they're walking and Blaine appoints him to a good cream to reduce the ample scarring. Santana notices that Finn's balance is so bad right now that she can't even crack a joke about it half the time. Rory thinks that Finn's getting thinner than normal despite him wearing the same bulky, huge clothing that hide away at his frame. Artie notices that Finn is hesitant when eating cheese and drinks much more chocolate milk and eats a lot of milk products, a lot more than he used to. Even Brittany notices that Finn's changed in some way, and they just tell themselves it's just normal.

They don't make sense of the way he insists on drinking something just a bit more just before he eats his chicken sandwich, or the fact that his callouses are always scarred and cut open, and they don't understand how he insists on wearing long-sleeves in the dead end of the summer. And they don't understand anything at all.

They don't understand _this_ now.

Mr Schue thinks he hears something in the locker room on his way to talk to Coach Beiste and it leads him to the bathroom, where he finds Finn shakily pushing his fingers into his mouth and then throwing up the contents of his food. Mr Schue runs to him. "FINN!" Mr Schue calls out, wrapping his arms around Finn's shoulders, his bony shoulders, he realises with sudden fear. "Finn—you can't—"

Finn's still shaking when he tiredly shoves his knuckles into his mouth expertly and doesn't even flinch when he throws up a wave of brown-and-yellow against the porcelain bowl. He's panting heavily as Mr Schue just stares at him. "Finn…Finn…this is wrong," he tries to reason with him.

"I know."

"Finn, that's bulimia." Mr Schue ushers him, bringing him closer but Finn doesn't budge and stares at him, shaking his head.

"Finn, this is a serious eating disorder," he repeats, trying to get Finn to reason. He remembers Finn's weirdness from a long time now and his mind remembers Santana's various comments as she barks at how fat he is. Finn's eys are glittering with tears as he shakes his head.

"No, it isn't," Finn tries to reason.

"Finn," Mr Schue's eyes are strict as he stares at him and Finn's shaking. Will can't look at Finn anymore, because he looks like a scared child that doesn't know where to go and he just tells him to follow him back to Glee. Finn shakes his head, because he knows that he'll tell them all that he's found Finn throwing up in the bathroom, that that's why he's been acting really weird.

"You can't take this way from me, Mr Schue, please…" Finn's begging. "…you can't let me stay fat."

"Finn, you're not fat." Will tries to assure him and Finn shakes his head. "…how much…how much do you weigh right now?" Will's afraid of the answer as he bites his lip. He can feel it in his bones, that Finn has the number memorised but he won't budge.

Finn's paralysed.

"Finn."

"I didn't want to look," Finn finally says, sounding truthful. "I've been eating a whole lot, Mr Schue. A real whole lot. If I didn't…if I didn't do this, I'd be so fat, really fat. I wouldn't be able to dance at all with how fat I'll be and I'll cost us Nationals and—"

"Finn!" Will cuts him, eyes wide. "Don't think like that and…and I doubt you could be that fat. As well as the fact that I don't care about Nationals as much as I care about _you_. You're my student. You're also slightly like my son to me, and how would you feel if you found your son throwing up his own food?"

Finn shakes his head, tears cascading down his eyes. "—Mr Schue, I ate six boxes of Cheerios this morning. _Boxes_. I wasted _that_ much money…just to throw it back up…Mr Schue…Mr Schue, oh God…" Finn pushes his messenger bag and out falls off four boxes of Sara Lee sponge cake falling from his bag. "I ate all of that. In eleven minutes. I know, Mr Schue. I counted…" Finn shuts his eyes, tears burning into his eyes.

The New Directions are there as Will expects them, all for Kurt, who said he's feeling slightly sick so he won't attend that day. He watches them all stare at Finn, who looks small and pale right now and Will doesn't want to say a word as he turns to them. "I found Finn making himself throw up in the gym," Mr Schue finally states and Puck's eyes widen.

"It's because of that bitch!" Puck suddenly states, eyes all on Santana.

Santana's horrified as she stares at Finn's still paler face. Finn opens his mouth to say something but can't say a word. Rachael scoffs at Santana and Blaine stares at her in complete disbelief.

"Unbelievable," Blaine shakes his head, eyes on Finn.

"Your…you're…you're fucking bulimic because of me?" Santana asks because even she doesn't stoop so low, eyes now on the scars on Finn's knuckles, and he just bites down his lower lip and doesn't say a word, as he sobs uncontrollably. Mr Schue holds Finn and is shocked by how quickly he's met with bone. He tries to calm Finn down by patting on his back but honestly, he doesn't know what to do.

"…I hugged him once some time ago, Santana. He's really skinny." Brittany says after a while. "I weigh like one hundred and twenty-one pounds and I think that Finn's tinier than me."

"Britt, if Finn weighs a hundred and twenty-one pounds, he'd be dead."

"…I'm not dead yet."

Mr Schuester stares at Finn right then, chest rising. "Finn, please tell me you do not weigh one hundred and twenty-anything pounds. Please tell me…you told me that you were afraid to get on the scale, right? Can…can…we can weigh you right now?"

Finn stares at Blaine as he moves and comes back with a scale from the back of the auditorium. "We needed to weigh-in for costumes at the beginning of the year…how much did Finn weigh then?"

"A hundred and ninety-five."

"Good. Healthy." Blaine assures him. "Especially if it's full of muscle."

"I don't weigh one hundred and ninety-five pounds anymore," Finn reminds him.

"Do you normally weigh in with your clothes on?" Blaine suddenly asks and Finn shakes his head, but looks reluctant to take off any article of clothing as he steps on the scale. Blaine tells him to step on the scale, after he does, and Finn sees a flash of one forty-six before Blaine gets off. Finn slowly makes steps and looks away.

"…is it bad?"

Finn stares down at the number and shrieks. "I knew I'd gained an insane amount of fucking weight. I knew—"

"Finn!" Blaine looks like he's going to shove him off the scale. "You're a hundred and sixteen pounds. How much did you weigh before—"

"One hundred and five."

That's the first time Finn ever sees Mr Schuester crying.

* * *

Kurt finds Finn's journal by incident, when he's been looking for a paper-clip for his finished English essay. Instead, he finds his journal. Kurt disappears downstairs, knowing it's wrong but Finn's being acting very strange lately, with all the things that are obvious to Glee, and to Burt and Carole, whom are sitting from across the table, talking animatedly.

"This is Finn's journal," Kurt suddenly announces. He then reads it out loud through Finn's misspelling.

_"We're doing Rocky Horror Picture Show for Glee and I have to walk around in my tighty whities, which freaks me out…like a lot. Rachael tries to tell me that I'm not even supposed to have body issues…I'm like the dude. But I do. I'm not like Sam or Puck or Mike…they look perfect, and I'm pretty shapeless. I can't diet. I don't know what else to do. I heard of girls doing this before, but I didn't think I would. But I did. I shoved my finger down my throat. It hurts and it's fucking painful but nothing comes out. I don't get why anyone would do it anyway. All that does come out is a bit of my saliva. No food. Nothing at all. I don't get how some people can throw up their food. All of it. I'm a failure. Sam tries to tell me to embrace my inner sexy or whatever, and I'm confident enough to walk in my costume (which is just my briefs) and Figgins told Mr Schue that people had to go GET HELP because I'm just that fat. Oh God. I hear them talking about Santana pantsing Britt and nobody cares. Of course nobody cares, because Britt's really tiny and pretty and I am just fucking not…I just hurt all over and want to curl into my bed and hurl. Preferably at Rachael. I know that Kurt's gonna think I did her outfit a favour." _

Kurt laughs a slight empty laugh but he shakes his head. His brother had tried to make himself throw up and that's what makes him bite his lower lip. He turns the page and finds Carole staring at Kurt with sad eyes, and hoping it's a one-off thing.

"_I think Karofsky's been bothering Kurt a lot more, but I can't be sure. Kurt goes to spy at Dalton or something, so I'm all alone in the house because Mom and Burt work late. This time, I eat. I eat a lot. And then I try to throw up. Nothing comes up, so why do I do it? I don't know anymore. When I stand on my scale, I break into tears because I was one hundred and ninety five pounds at the beginning of the season but now I'm two hundred and seventeen. And what do I do? I stuff my fat face. Again. And again. I don't know why I do it. And whenever I try to throw up, only saliva and a little bit of it comes out. I'm just really tired of not being able to do anything right_."

Kurt bites down his lower lip and Carole's visibly crying now and Kurt's voice is very shaky as he tries to read the rest of the entries as he flips the page. _"Oh God. I should've done something. I SHOULD'VE done something. I knew that Karofsky was bullying him even more…but I didn't do anything. Oh God. I don't think I can stand it anymore. Mom and Burt are getting married, which is great I guess. I really thought they were going to give me an intervention about how weird I've been acting but that's okay I guess if they don't. It's not like everyone has to be about me. Kurt's going through a rough patch and all I do is eat, and eat, and eat even more and I can't stand it. And this time when I try to throw up,, I do get the ice-cream thing up really easily. I realise that with soft foods, I can…it hurts though, having my fingers in my throat. It feels like I'm choking on how dry they are. I think Kurt's right about the moisturising routine he has up for himself but I don't want to taste lotion when I shove my fingers down my throat. That's gross. I really made Burt angry. I'd throw myself out too if I could…oh God. Oh God. How could I be like this to Kurt? He's practically my brother right now. I should've noticed, so that's why I don't care. I don't care if Kurt doesn't notice what's been going on with me lately because I haven't noticed his own issues. I'm just scared for him right now. But I learned my lesson. I swear. Oh God, I can't stand this._"

Kurt's eyes are full of tears. All for him. That entire paragraph's all for him, for how bad he feels, and he knows that Finn's felt horrible about the whole Karofsky deal and him not being there for him, especially when Burt tells Finn to stand up on Kurt's behalf. _"I can't stand Rachael anymore. I eat like an entire carton of ice-cream. I can purge that out now. Really good. I still feel like I'm not good at anything_."

"Kid's gonna land in a bulimic right if he starts making a habit of this throwing up thing," Burt suddenly states, and that's exactly what Kurt fears as he reads on towards the next entry. Burt's holding onto Carole closely as she cries. Kurt doesn't even notice that he himself is holding back his own tears for his younger incredibly tall brother.

"_I hear Kurt tell Mr Schue that he's in love with Blaine. I'm kind of hurt that he didn't tell me about it. It's Christmas and I've eaten enough cookies to hurt my throat but I washed them all down with milk. They come up so easy with the milk but it still hurts to purge. Cookies kind of come up in clumps so sometimes, I end up choking on them or something. That's all I eat all day for a while. Like…twelve boxes of them a day or something. I can actually finish off two boxes at once, drink an insane amount of milk and then purge it out."_ Kurt's mind is just reeling at how damaging that is for Finn's throat, to purge out twelve boxes of cookies in a day.

"Kid's throat is gonna erupt from all that purging."

Carole's choking through her tears. "My baby—my baby doesn't…won't…_read_ it, Kurt…everything…Finn…oh God."

Kurt takes a deep breath and reads the next entry, compelled by Carole's words. "_I set up a kissing booth because of the game. I just feel fat next to them and hey, it gives my lips something to do other than shove down a ton of shit down my throat_." Kurt cringes and continues on to the next entry, noticing they're becoming shorter in length or so. "_Rache had a party today. Blaine got really drunk and said about how awesome it is that Kurt and I are stepbrothers and how tall I am. I don't drink because of a blackmail by Kurt. Also, because alcohol has a lot of calories. Kurt taught me that. I think. It's just a blur of alcohol. I do end up drinking though. Like a lot, and I drink more than I can so I can purposely throw up. I don't remember eating anything all of the time but it's okay because whatever it is I'll throw it back up. I weighed myself. I'm back to one hundred and ninety-five pounds. I'm still fat."_

Kurt catches his breath, realising that Finn's dropped down twenty-two pounds without any of them noticing at all. _"Kurt and Blaine are together. Mercedes told me. Kurt didn't call and tell me—Mercedes did. I'm jealous. Blaine's perfect from what Mercedes showed me. I'm not. I'm gonna go throw up lunch right now_." Kurt realises that's the first time Finn's made an indication of throwing up an entire meal and it's triggered by Kurt getting into a relationship. Kurt doesn't know what he feels anymore.

Burt's eyes are widened as he holds onto Carole even tighter. Kurt finds the strength in him to continue. "_We're doing this Night of Neglect thing. Awesome. I've never felt more neglected in my life. Spent the entire night in the auditorium. I stole Puck's food and Tina's and Rachael doesn't notice her cookies gone missing. This is the first time I ever do something so stupid. I don't know why but I eat it all up and wash it down with a ton of soda and throw it all up. I spend the entire night in the bathroom, throwing up whatever I've eaten. I can hear them singing. They sound really really good. I really just want to get this food out of me right now_." Kurt's eyes are widened. Finn stole food of everything? Kurt's heart is thudding. He's locked himself in the bathroom stall and nobody even notices.

"My baby stole food to _throw it up_ again?" Carole's sniffing and Burt doesn't even have anything to say to that.

"_Kurt's back in McKinley. Nothing changes because I eat that weird chicken wrap thing for lunch and throw it up. I feel bad. I feel so bad. Right now whatever my Mom makes, I know how to throw it up and so…I don't ever stop purging. And it's starting to really hurt my throat and my singing. I don't want to get Rachael mad though—but the more I try to cut down on purging, the more I purge. It's gotten really, really bad. I think I spend half my day in the bathroom and I'm sick of it…but there's something that keeps me going. I'm kind of scared people will find out, but they won't. They won't because I'm not Kurt. I'm not Tina. I'm not Mercedes. If it was them, people would find out really quick if they were making themselves throw up…but I don't fit the bill."_ Kurt's eyes are widened when he realises the words are so true right now as they pierce through Kurt's skull. He doesn't fit the bill. "_Quinn and Rachael are making it really hard for me to choose. I just throw up. To forget about them, I mean. It helps. It really helps. I weigh like a hundred and sixty-seven pounds right now. The BMI thing that Rache shows me tells me I'm like…20.9 or something. That's gross. Isn't that too much?_"

Kurt flips the entry, arm shaking. "He's turning to purging for comfort." Kurt realises and then bites down his lower lip. "And…how could I not notice him losing an additional _twenty-eight pounds_?"

Kurt doesn't wait for Carole or Burt to answer as he turns the pages around to land on another entry. "_Jesse and I get kicked out of prom, but that's okay though because I get to get out of eating at prom. Thing is Kurt got really hurt and I wasn't there because I can't go back. I tried. I really did. I was supposed to be there for him…God, I'm useless."_ Kurt's horrified by then, because Finn couldn't have gotten back there. He couldn't have broken in and helped him, but he's still blaming it on himself. Kurt never thought that Finn has so much time and concentration devoted to him. "_I break up with Quinn. I think I heard her. I'm gonna go to Taco Bell right now. Soft tacos are really hard to purge but I deserve the pain. It's the only way I know how to cope anymore_."

Kurt shakes his head, and this time, the tears are freely falling from his face as he continues to read. _"I tried to win Rache back but she doesn't want me anymore. Because I'm too fat to be wanted. I hate New York, because it's full of really good food and I can't stop purging. Before the competition, we had to weigh in. The guy told me I was one hundred and fifty-nine…okay_."

"Finn's going to waste away if he keeps losing weight like that." Carole states, letting out a wrecked sob. "He hasn't weighed that little since he was thirteen. He was a really tall child."

Kurt goes on reading another entry after wiping away a few tears off his face. "_Blaine's in New Directions now and I am really, really jealous because Blaine's perfect. He's got this perfect body, perfect voice—perfect relationship with Kurt. I notice he likes eating those soup cans. I do eat them then. The soup and then I throw it up. It's so easy. I'm just so tired though. I feel like I'm going to break in two halves. I don't know what's going on anymore_." Kurt's shakily flipping the page. "_Kurt has this senior class campaign. He'd be really great. Brittany calls him a unicorn. That made me crave gummy bears. That's all I ate…like went to the gas station sixteen different times so I can get this hugeass amount of gummy bears but I switched stations all day because I didn't want to look greedy. I'm disgusted at myself. They come up in really funny colours though_."

Burt flinches at the visual in his mind. "That ain't right. It ain't right at all. Finn's…"

Kurt waits for his Father to finish his sentence but he doesn't. Kurt flips through the page and takes another deep breath. "_Rachael's a candidate right now for the whole senior campaign thing and I can't side. Kurt's my brother but Rache's my girl. I don't know…I'm really confused and I just want to make them both happy. I don't even know how much I eat anymore. It's a lot. A lot more than I do. Yesterday, I had an entire pan of brownies and a whole pan of casserole and threw it up like it was nothing. That's two hours in the bathroom, that's two hours of me trying to fix my mistake. I weigh about one hundred and forty pounds right now. That's a bit less than Kurt. It doesn't make me happy. I'm not thin enough_."

Kurt does the calculation in his head. "Finn has a BMI of 17.5 with his height and that weight…that's enough to diagnose him with anorexia."

"You're saying that Finn theoretically weighs around the same as some anorexic chick if she had his height?"

"I'm saying theoretically, that's enough to diagnose anyone with anorexia, but…Finn's _bulimic_," Kurt winces when he uses that word and Carole lets out a strong, heart-wrenching sob. "And he probably looks like Hell. Blaine weighs around the same weight as Finn but Blaine's 5'8. It's normal for him to weigh that much. Theoretically speaking, if I want to have a BMI of 17.5, then I'd have to weigh one hundred and twenty-two pounds. That's nearly Brittany's weight."

"If you weigh a hundred and twenty-two pounds, you wouldn't even be alive. Plus, I would've force-fed you. No way you're ever gonna weigh that little under my watch."

"I would be alive but…I wouldn't look nice," Kurt flinches and then reads off the next page. "_Burt's running in for congress. Rory's really nice. He even called me thin when we were passing through. He doesn't know how I looked like before, so it's okay for me to take off my shirt here and there but I don't do it much because it scares the hell out of him and he calls me too thin a lot. I don't get it though. Rory tries to get me to eat a lot. I do eat though, but I don't keep it in for very long. Irish food is really good. I just wish I can keep it in. Sometimes, I don't' need to even try to throw up anymore. It doesn't stay in sometimes because I don't keep anything in me anymore_."

"Kid doesn't even need to try anymore," Burt realises and Kurt flinches again but nods his head.

"_Santana's comments are getting to me. She calls me fat. Like a lot. I don't think I can take it anymore. Sometimes I don't eat on for days and then I'd binge, I'd eat like…a lot of food at once. In inhuman amounts. I can eat an entire pan of pasta and all of Kurt's Nutrigrain bars and a whole loaf of bread and still feel empty, and I eat until I'm so uncomfortably full I'm gonna burst then I purge. I purge and purge until I'm empty and okay again. Sometimes I eat again and sometimes I go on for another day or two without eating anything at all. I'm really screwed in the head right now. I can't believe I outed Santana. I can't believe that I haven't killed myself by purging out to death_." Kurt can't believe that Finn can even get back a few days without eating anything at all, the thought of fasting an entire day cause Kurt to want to throw up, especially because Finn doesn't have much on him to lose anymore. Kurt sees there aren't many more entries left as he keeps on reading.

"_Santana can't handle being outed really. Burt won. I'm just forgotten somewhere. I don't even know where I am anymore. I weighed at around one hundred and twenty-nine pounds today. I didn't even think that was possible…the school year is coming close to an end. We're in the middle. I don't want to graduate. I can't graduate yet. Plus, I'm still fucked in the head severely."_ Kurt bites down his lower lip.

"He's six foot three!" Carole blurts out. "He can't weigh _that little_. He can't. It's gonna kill him. Oh God, my baby's gonna die at that weight! He can't hold on much longer like that. Oh God. _Oh God_."

"_Sam's back now and he's still really pretty and thin. I can't stand to look at him anymore. I can't look at anyone anymore. They're all better than me, thinner. Brittany's eight pounds lighter than me. Eight entire pounds. Santana doesn't think Britt's fat though. Nobody does. If I can get that low, maybe it's okay? I don't know. It's reeling all in my head. I don't know."_ Finn's confusion is causing Kurt to let out another sob. He reads off the last few journal entries.

"_I hate Christmas. I hate all the food. I hate how all I ever do is purge. Fuck. I'm one hundred and thirty five pounds_." It's a short line but Kurt still feels severely impacted when reading it.

"_Mr Schue wants to propose to Emma. So he does. I can't be around though. If Rachael touches me during that number, she'll know. She'll know I lost a few pounds. She'll make a big deal out of it—that, or I just can't risk anyone finding out. I hurt Mr Schue's feelings like a lot. He was counting on me. I don't know what's going on. I weighed one hundred and twenty pounds today. I'm still just a fat fuck_. _I proposed to Rachael. She said she'll think about marrying me because I'm too fat to be around her anyway_." Kurt remembers that clearly, that he isn't there for the performance when Mr Schue's put it all up for so long, weeks even, just trying to make it perfect and Finn's the one he wanted there to be the most and he hadn't been around.

The next few entries aren't even paragraphs.

_"Kurt gets a chance in NYADA. I'm lost. Blaine's eye's hurt. I'm lost."_ Kurt bites his lower lip, as tears burn into his eyes again.

"_Kurt's angry at me for not telling him about the Rachael engagement thing. So I ate something just to purge it out. It's insane. I weigh one hundred and five pounds_."

"Fuck," Burt suddenly curses under his breath. "Kurt…Kurt…that'.s…"

"Deadly." Kurt suddenly says in a very soft voice. "In other words, it's like me weighing ninety-one pounds. It's _deadly_." He repeats the end, realising how close his stepbrother is to death if he keeps on dropping weight.

Kurt doesn't want to read the next entries, but he does. They're still small ones. "Rachael and I are engaged. I gained six pounds. I'm a hundred and eleven pounds."

"_Karofsky's suicide send me into a spiral. All I do is eat and sometimes I don't purge it all out. God, I'm probably even fatter now. Oh God. Oh God."_

Kurt's gasping by the end, and suddenly finally breaks into tears, and sobs. Burt's holding his wife and his son close to him and watches them cry out for Finn's sake. It's after a while that Kurt realises that he should've been able to put two and two together and he can't take it anymore. When Finn comes home, he's accompanied by Mr Schuester, whose eyes are also bloodshot. The rest of the New Directions are around.

"I found him throwing up in the bathroom," Will finally states.

Carole runs over to her and just hugs him, and he nearly flinches because he knows that she can feel how small he is underneath her arms. "Finn, Finn, honey. You scared the hell out of me today." She kissed his forehead and brings his face closer to her shoulder. He crouches down as he lets her hold him as tightly as she could. "Finn…it's okay, sweetheart. I've got you know, okay?"

"O-Okay," Finn stutters.

"Kid, you could _die_ at that weight," Burt finally says and Carole sobs again, holding him closer to her, refusing to let go of him, as if the minute that she'll let go, Finn would just drop dead.

"I wish I would," Finn mutters.

"FINNEGAN HUDSON, DON'T YOU _DARE_ SAY THAT!" Kurt exclaims, as Carole hugs him tighter, and cries just a little bit harder for him. Kurt's eyes are full of tears. Carole let go of her son's body and Kurt stares at him. "Finn, you have to gain weight. You have to. You really want to know how underweight you are? If you put on ten pounds, it's not enough. If you put on twenty, it's still not enough. Finn, you're practically wasted right now. _If you don't gain anything, you will die._"

Finn just stares at him in horror.

"Look at what you did to him, Lopez…look at what the fuck—"

Kurt cuts off Puck. "It wasn't Santana. He's been struggling with this ever since the whole Rocky Horror thing. I read his journal and we were just too blind to notice him losing _a hundred and twelve pounds_ right before our own very eyes! He's right though. If I lost two pounds, Mercedes would've beat me with a stick. If it was Quinn, we would've noticed. If it was _Blaine_, we would've noticed—we were just blind. That's just it. Santana, you're still not excused for pushing around Finn and calling him fat, okay? You made it worse. But it doesn't mean that you're the one that gave him an eating disorder. Now—"

Kurt turns to Rachael. "It was all your fault."

"What?" Rachael repeats, eyes wide. "That's insane! I'm his fiancée—"

"You dismissed his body image issues like it was nothing," Kurt snaps at her, challenging her. "Looks like Santana came in innocent. It's all on your hands, Berry. You're the one that's been driving him insane with bloody perfectionism that he's too blind to see that he was _killing himself_."

Rachael turns to Finn, and just shakes his head. "I am so sorry, Finn."

"I wanted to be perfect for you so many times," Finn just suddenly spills. "I was so confused, Rache. So confused. I could…couldn't turn vegan for you. Couldn't…couldn't be enough for you, Rache. I broke it all up and I denied it for so long, that I was doing it for you…I didn't know how Kurt figured it out because I didn't write that down but…but it's true."

Rachael lets out a sob that sounds a lot like breaking glass. "Finn."

"_I'm perfect for you, Rache_."


End file.
